My Sin of Mediocrity
The truth I have always denied
Recently, I began watching The Last Dance — a limited series observing the stellar career of Michael “Air” Jordan and a number of his counterparts. I am just two episodes into the series and about thirty minutes into the the second episode, I began to experience a different emotion other than motivation as is typical to get from these movies.
I began to feel the emotion of disappointment, and a metal taste of anger — not at the casts or the stories narrated (its a wonderful story so far), but ultimately at myself. I gnawing feeling from the knowledge that I have disappointed myself in more ways than I am willing to admit and this is evident in the reality of that:
I have never gone hard at anything — ever!
It wasn’t until recently that it started to dawn on me that I was no longer the teenager who had potential, I have now become the adult who must produce result. Else, I become like every other high-potential-under-achieving-individual — mediocre.
My parents has always preached against being mediocre, most especially my father. Without doubt, I have received all the love and support they could possibly give (which boils my heart with a heightened sensation of anger) — seeing I haven’t made the most of all my opportunities because I let myself be the kid with star potential, yet the work ethic of a sloth.
No, this is not self-degradation or a note of self-hate — this is the truth I know!
With so much opportunities, talent and even luck events — I seem unable, rather unwilling to make the most of it and create the greatness I often dream of and speak so highly about.
A huge piece of this I would readily admit comes from my false sense of pride — A knowing that I am in fact, skilled and multi-talented — capable of unprecedented greatness if I wanted to. Interestingly, this is a lie! Not in the capacity but in the will.
A strong lion refusing to hunt because it believes it can hunt down any prey it desires will not only die of starvation, but of foolish pride — ILÈMRÉ
I have for the longest time lacked the will to be in fact phenomenal. I tell tales, talk big, walk big — but almost never work big. Of course, there are a few moments of inspiration and motivation that I use to drive home a handful of successes (in fact this piece is written with the anger of such motivation) yet soon enough, I fall immediately into a state of complacency.
Overall, my lack of consistency has been the catalyst for my under-achievement in my over two-decades of human existence and I hide under the excuse of just having it as hard as everyone else — which is simply not true.
I do not take credit away from myself for putting in the work that I have put into accomplishing anything — I am only acknowledging that I haven’t put in the work to earn my phenomenal status as I must, if I truly desire it.
Better yet, I have come to an open-minded conclusion that I cannot always rely on the emotion of motivation to get important work done — I must create a structure of discipline that forces me to cultivate the habit of always putting in my best effort. A mental shift of diligence, to become exceptional and ultimately phenomenal.
Conclusion
I still must resolve internally other factors responsible for my lack of zeal and my ever present deterrents — complacency and pride. A false telling to myself that I am deserving of the rewards that I haven’t put in the effort to earn.
My first step being a raw acceptance of my short comings in every aspect I consider important to my whole being. Then, I must find the knowledge needed to transpose my body and mind to a higher plane of functionality — beyond self-help books and motivational quotes and I consider this possible by doing something hard yet important everyday!
Again, something that contributes to the some aspect I consider important to my whole being including health, mind, spirituality, finance, education etc.
Certainly, as soon as I’m off the high of publishing this article I will have to contend with the nuances of my every day life — However, until then this was a hard thing to write and I am one forward than my former self.
Until next time, when I have more reflections to write — be safe.
WILLIAMS FALODUN.
